Dear Jesus... please help them know what college to go to... please help them get a job, please help them on their tests this week, help them pass their driving test... please help them and their parents... please help them make church a priority... please help them in their friendships...please help them make wise decisions... please help them to stay pure with their boyfriends... Jesus please help me know how to encourage/ challenge them/ know what to say... please help them read their Bibles... 

Those are just a few of the prayers I've found myself praying over the months and years for the girls in my life that I'll call the "next generation." The high school girls I love and see week in a week out. Sometimes life gets busy or heavy or crazy and I find myself just reeling with burdens for them. For their lives, their hurts, their hopes, their own personal relationships with Jesus. I found myself praying for a few of my own small group girls one night recently, just on my own in my bedroom, feeling especially burdened for a few of them. And as I was thinking of all the specific ways I should/ could pray for them, Jesus kind of helped me narrow it all down to the heart of it. Although I value bringing specific prayer requests to the Lord, in that moment, I realized that the heart of all of those specific things was one bigger thing. There was one thing that both trumped and included all of my other burdens for them. The one thing, in all the things, that I deeply desire for them and have been praying lately for this next generation of girls is this...

That they would love Jesus more than they love ANYTHING or ANYONE else. 

To simply love Jesus above ALL else. I know, it's not flashy. Not super wordy, not super elaborate. But that's it. When all my prayers for them come down to it, I am just praying that their love for Jesus will be THE driving force in their lives.

That they would love Jesus more than they love their future plans, more than they love themselves, more than they love their friends, more than they love their boyfriends, or their schedules, or their schoolwork, or their accomplishments, and more than they love our youth group or our church or even this city.

Yes I want them to know God's word, to walk in purity, to make wise decisions about college, to honor their parents, to be loyal friends, to be honest, to work hard, to persevere, to be committed to the community of believers in the local church. Of course I want all those things for them. But I really truly believe that if Jesus is their biggest passion, their number one love, their first priority, and the axis around which their whole life revolves, those other things will become symptoms of that great love.

To love Jesus more than anything or anyone else. I pray that God's Word and what HE says will mean more in their lives and carry more weight than their own feelings, than what their best friend says, than what I say, than what their boyfriend or their crush thinks, than what a celebrity says, or even than what they read in any good book.

I believe that if they love Jesus with all they are, obedience will follow. That saying yes to God's best for their lives - in their relationships, in their future plans, in their families, in their decisions - will be something they're compelled to do, HAVE to do, even when its hard.

There have been so many decisions I've made over the years, even decisions that weren't fun at the time, that were simply motivated ultimately by my love for Jesus. That love motivated my trust in Him. That trust compelled my obedience to Him. And as I obeyed more, I loved more, and trusted more, and then obeyed more, and loved more, and trusted more. A beautiful cycle.

As we ended our small group discussion last night, that's what I prayed for them, "Lord, I pray that they would love you more than anyone or anything else."

I heard Beth Moore say in a Bible study once that, in her own life and for the lives of others, she had begun simply asking the Lord for more love for Him. And as I thought about that, I've been so convinced that I need to be praying that in my own life and for the people I love.

I think about John 14:15, when Jesus tells His disciples, "If you love me, you will keep my commandments."

Sometimes I pray for others, in more specific ways, that they'll keep God's commandments. That they'll obey Jesus. But I've often neglected to simply pray that they'll love Him like crazy. The kind of life that takes over their whole hearts and lives and transforms the trajectory of their decisions, relationships, and dreams for the rest of their lives. We prioritize what we love. Sometimes it really is that simple. We'll make time for the things and the people we are absolutely obsessed with. For this next generation of girls, I'm praying that obsession is Jesus.

The other thing that happens when I begin praying that my sweet girls would LOVE JESUS ABOVE EVERYTHING ELSE, is that I come face-to-face with the reality that I have absolutely no control over that reality in their lives. I mean, I can encourage them to obey Jesus, to follow Him, tell them that He IS worth following, challenge them to read the Word, and walk with them through the practical, nitty gritty life stuff. But I cannot MAKE them love Jesus more.

I can inspire and encourage behavior-change, but I can't do heart change, I've said for a long time that IF heart change was in my court, it would be way too tempting to take all the credit when someone said YES to Jesus and walked with Him faithfully and, conversely, unbearably devastating when they decided they didn't want to follow Him. Only Jesus. Only Jesus does the heart level change. Only Jesus can affect and transform them and LOVE them in a way that will ultimately change the extent to which they love Him back. I hope with everything in me that I would love Jesus in a way that would help them WANT to love Jesus with their lives, and that I would love them as Jesus would have me love them, but I can't do more than that. That's a Jesus thing.

It's something I want to begin intentionally praying over my own life, praying over others, both in their presence and when I'm alone. And to speak that prayer into their lives in hopes that, when it all comes down to it, they would KNOW that that is my hope and dream and biggest prayer for their whole lives. The one thing that matters more than anything else.

Even when you feel like giving up, don't.

Back in September, my husband and I attempted an eating plan called Whole 30. Basically, for 30 days, just you take all the JOY out of eating. Not really. But kind of. No grains, no dairy, no sugar, no processed food, no ingredients that you can't pronounce. Its actually a super healthy way to eat. Really, it is. But by day four I was putting cream back in my coffee, you know, because plain coffee just isn't a pleasant start to the day. I kept saying to Michael, “It’s not that its too hard, I just don’t want to do it.” To which he would reply, smiling slightly, "So then it IS too hard." Days went on, and we debated giving up lots of times, but I was just generally a little cranky and so hungry and sort of bitter toward the whole thing. So on day 17 we had cake from Konditorei and called it good. And we felt something. . . happiness. Oh yes. Essentially, we quit. I was a quitter. BUT I’ll never know how great I COULD have felt after 30 days because I didn’t give it enough time. It got “too hard” so I quit.

But I bet I'm not the only person who has ever quit something. If we're honest, I bet we all have things in our lives that make us want to give up.

Maybe for some of us its a class at school. We feel like we’re just NEVER really going to understand geometry, so we stop trying (I mean, does anyone understand geometry?) Or maybe you've been playing on a sports team for several seasons now, and your coach still hasn't made you a starter. So you're tempted to just be done. Or maybe its a friendship, and you keep arguing, and it seems like one of you is always mad, so you wonder if it would be easier if you just went your separate ways. Or maybe it feels like every time you go home your family just doesn't feel like a family, and it's never easy to be there. So you wonder if, when you’re 18, you should just move out and send ‘em an annual Christmas card and call it good. Or maybe you’ve been wrestling with a certain struggle or sin or weakness, and you just can’t seem to get past it. And you’ve started to wonder, “Maybe I’ll just always be… angry… anxious… depressed… addicted… lustful… a liar…”

I think a lot of us freak out when we've decided to walk with Jesus, and hard stuff and scary stuff still happens in our life, and we think "I didn't sign up for this God. I'm done with you." Or maybe there's some of us who have gotten so frustrated because we can't "feel" God's presence with us and other people are talking about how they can FEEL God near them and HEAR God speaking to them and we just wonder if maybe the whole thing isn't for us anymore because its not “working,” (whatever that means). But you know what? Here's what I'm finding: at some point, if it hasn't happened already, your life, my life, whether you know Jesus or not, will get difficult. Even if just for a season.

Walking with Jesus won't feel "fun" at some point. So how can we prepare, so that when following Jesus gets tough, our only option isn't "Well, it's just too hard. I give up"? When that happens, here's the ONE thing I want you to remember:

Even when you feel like giving up. . .don’t.

Thankfully, God's Word encourages us by telling us ahead of time that 1) life might get tough, and 2) there's some things we can keep in mind when that happens. Take a look at Hebrews 12:1-3:

 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

*First of all, the "great cloud of witnesses" sounds mystical and mysterious, but really it's just a fancy way of saying "an awesome group of people who have walked with Jesus before us." Take a look at Hebrews 11 when you have a minute and just read about ALL the people who trusted God and obeyed God LONG before we were in the picture, even in spite of their sin and doubt and weakness. When I read Hebrews 12:1 I hear, "Soooo, since there have been, like, A LOT of people who have followed Jesus before you, YOU CAN DO IT TOO!"

What I love about this group of people being mentioned is that it makes it IMPOSSIBLE for us to truly believe that we are alone or that we have it the hardest.  I believe one of Satan’s greatest tactics in 1) keeping followers of Jesus from stepping into the fullness of God’s plans for them AND 2) keeping many people from wanting to follow Jesus at all is to convince them that their life is THE hardest. I think many believers are stuck believing some things like this: No one has EVER had as difficult of circumstances as I have. OR No one has had a worse past than me, I'm too broken to be able to follow Jesus. OR All THOSE people can walk with Jesus, but I can't. You don't understand. OR No one has ever been as tempted by this sin as I am! OR No one has ever screwed up more than I have. Satan wants to keep our eyes fixed on our circumstances and on ourselves, so that we won’t fix our eyes on Jesus and move forward.

Okay, let's move on. What do we do with all of that other stuff in Hebrews 12? For starters, the mental imagery we're given here is of a race! The call: RUN. WITH PERSEVERANCE. THE RACE MARKED OUT FOR US. If you were hoping the Christian life would just be fluffy and cheery all the time, I hate to burst your bubble. The fact that the word PERSEVERANCE is used here to describe the way we are called to run tells me that I might not always WANT to run. Spoiler alert: we might, at some point, feeling like giving up. There I said it. And that’s okay to admit.You don’t NEED perseverance for easy things. But perseverance is the thing that kicks in when you want to quit and says, “Even when you feel like giving up, don’t.”

I'm guessing that some of you reading this LOVE running, and some of you HATE running. I tend to side with the second group, no offense, runners. I have mad respect for you.  But growing up, I was always a sprinter. The 100 meter dash was my jam. And when I say “always,” I mean, in the Jaycee Relays, on the Crossler Middle School track team. I was ALWAYS a sprinter. But my sister was a cross country runner. She and every other runner raves about something they call “runners high.” They say its just SO euphoric and amazing. I say, I’ll believe it when I see it. So often when I see runners finishing a long race, their face is contorted by pain, they are wheezing and heaving and then they fall down at the finish line. Soooo yeah. Sign me up.

You know what, though? I appreciate that the author of Hebrews compared our Christian life to running...the kind of running that requires perseverance. Don’t we all kind of feel like those runners sometimes? Like someone might just need to carry us for a bit? Perseverance means we keep going even when it sucks. Following Jesus is not a sprint. This is a long-distance, long term thing. More like a marathon. Which, in any other context of my life, I have no desire to participate in. But the marathon of following Jesus? I’m in. We have to run, even when it isn’t fun. Keep going. Even when we come to parts of OUR RACE that we don’t care for. Hills. Mud. Hard trails. Twists and turns we didn't see coming.

I KNOW there are those of you who have some really dark places in your story. In your past, in your right now even. There are some very-not-fun places in my story as well. There are twists and turns in my race right now that make me want to pull over and sit in the grass and pick daisies and stop running. But I can’t give up. I won't give up.

Even when you feel like giving up, don’t.  Because you know what? There’s a race marked out for us. But what’s the key to being able to KEEP RUNNING? Look back at Hebrews 12:2, “FIXING OUR EYES on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of our faith.” Fixing our eyes. Not looking over here or over there but just looking to Jesus. And running. And looking to Jesus. And running.

Let me give you an example. If you have your driver's license, you may have heard of a concept called object fixation.  Essentially that means that, where you look, you’ll go. If you don’t want to crash into that tree, look at the road, not the tree. So it got me thinking. If I’m constantly thinking about my sin, I’ll probably keep messing up. If I’m constantly dwelling on my past, I’ll have a really hard time moving forward into what God has for my future. If I’m constantly looking around comparing myself to other runners, I might get discouraged that I’m not as fast as her or as in shape as him and wonder, "Why am I running at all?" But if I look to JESUS, I remember that He is the one who created me to run, and the one who will help me keep going! If we bail, we don’t get to experience all that the PIONEER and PERFECTER of our faith is just waiting to accomplish in our lives if we’ll just keep running. If we’ll keep looking to Him.

Looking to Jesus gives us perspective. Jesus, “...who, for the JOY set before Him, endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.”

I'm not over-dramatizing when I say this, but Jesus did the hardest thing in all of human history. He entered our world as a human. He became the ultimate sacrifice for every sin you and I have ever done and will ever do, and every sin in all of human history. He died the most brutal death in the form of crucifixion, to take on himself the punishment we deserved for all the times we’ve messed up, all for the JOY set before Him. All so that WE could have life and forgiveness and hope and relationship with Him. Jesus was able to look beyond the immediate to the ultimate.  Why?  SO THAT we may not grow weary or fainthearted. He endured so that we can endure. When it feels like the world is crumbling in on you, remember that Jesus never gave up on you.

Even when you feel like giving up, don’t.

You guys, running in this race called following Jesus is the most epic, significant, worthwhile thing you will ever do. But what does this look like in real life? In YOUR real life, in your family, at school, at work, when you and I wake up tomorrow morning? Let's take this to a really practical level.

When you’re suffering some kind of massive loss or heartbreak, and you feel so sad you almost can’t breathe and the idea of giving God any praise feels like the most unnatural thing in the world… don’t give up. When struggling for sexual purity feels impossible and requires more self-control than you even feel like you have, don’t give up. When you’re trying so hard to restore a relationship and it feels like a lost cause, don’t give up. When you’re wrestling with questions and doubts about who you are, and who God is, and you feel like its useless… keep asking questions… keep having conversations… but don’t just give up. When you feel suffocated by the weight of depression and have started to wonder if it might be better just to end it all… please. . .don’t give up. When you feel isolated and alone because no one else in your family knows Jesus and shuts you down every time you try to talk about Him, just keep living for Jesus one day at a time... but don’t give up. When everything in life seems like its going wrong and it FEELS like God is far away, this is the part of the race where perseverance gets real and you might even hate it... just don’t give up. When it seems like everyone else is having more fun because they don’t care about right and wrong and they think you’re “lame” and they stop inviting you to things because you’re no “fun,” and you wonder if you just “did this” or “dressed like that,” maybe you could fit in, don’t just give in because everyone else is… do the right thing...don’t give up. When the temptation to (insert sin here) spread a rumor, drink, gossip about your friend, go to that party, lie to your parents, smoke that weed, cheat on that test, look at that website, is almost unbearable and you feel like you HAVE to give in… Consider Jesus… and don’t give up. And when you HAVE given in to temptation and feel defeated and feel like you’ll never be able to run this race like you hoped you would. . .Consider Jesus… and don’t give up. And when there’s something you’ve been praying for and praying for for so long and it doesn’t feel like God even hears you and day by day your hope is dwindling… don’t give up.

And if you're reading this and you aren’t yet a follower of Jesus, and you still just aren’t sure about this whole Jesus thing, I want to invite you… don’t give up on Him yet. Maybe there are other things in your life right now that you are tempted to give up on (goals, relationships, hopes, dreams) and I can still challenge you, don’t give up. If you're a high school student, come join us at RIOT next week and hear more about Jesus. Continue to consider that He loves you SO much and offers you a personal relationship with Himself and forgiveness for every way you’ve ever messed up.

My prayer for each of you, whether you're in high school or college or a full on grown-up, is that you would choose now to walk with Jesus for the rest of your lives, no matter what your future holds. I know for me, I want to be a part of that “cloud of witnesses” one day. I hope that someone might be able to look at my life, and say, “Kristin walked faithfully, not perfectly, but FAITHFULLY with Jesus all her days, even when it got really hard... You know what...I can walk with Him too!” One day, at the end of our lives, after we’ve persevered, we will finish the race and it will be a glorious thing.

But for now, just imagine with me for a minute…

What if we became the generation who did not give up? Who didn’t walk away from our faith just because sin is tempting and persecution is real and opposition is scary and being different takes courage? We could be the next generation’s cloud of witnesses.

The people who help the reverse the statistics of the number of people who walk away from their faith after they graduate. Maybe more middle school students would get to high school believing that it is possible to KEEP walking with Jesus through high school into adulthood because they’d seen it done by you guys. More high school students would graduate with some resolve that they could KEEP walking with Jesus in college. 

Maybe we could be those people whose very lives are making their friends think twice about Jesus because they’re drawn to what they see in us.

What if we became the generation who kept walking with Jesus even when a few months go by without being able to “feel” His presence, because we choose to TRUST that if He says He is with us, then He’s with us?

What if other people saw our lives and gave THEIR lives to Jesus simply because of the way they saw us run and keep running?

Imagine if we became the generation who stopped letting our feelings determine whether or not Jesus is worth following, and who let JESUS demonstrate the hope and the truth and the reality THROUGH US that there’s nothing and no one else worth giving our lives to!

What if we became the generation who just DID NOT GIVE UP, EVEN WHEN WE FELT LIKE IT?

You can do this. It will be worth it, I promise.

Even when you feel like giving up . . . don’t.

to the volunteer (you're my hero)

To the volunteer, 

This is for any of you who serve as a volunteer specifically in middle school or high school ministry. You're my heroes. 

Before I began working in full time, vocational ministry with high school students at my church, I served for three awesome years with Highlife, our middle school ministry, as a discipleship leader for some awesome girls. I'm thankful for the time I had as a volunteer, because it has given me a perspective that causes me to be MASSIVELY thankful for the countless number of you who serve so faithfully without ever getting paid, or have done so in years past.  

YOU, my friends, are my heroes. People I massively admire. You're not "just" volunteers. You're disciplers. You're shepherds. You're life-coaches. You're relationship experts. You're counselors. You're spiritual mothers and fathers. I think about our own volunteer staff in our high school ministry over the years. There are those of you in college full time, working your tails off to try to pay your bills, while still spending so much of your precious time AND money to live life with students, cramming them into your apartment for a game night or movie night or Bible study. There are those of you who work full time, are married, and yet still want to spend your weekends taking students on trips or inviting them over for sleepovers, letting them see your marriage up close and giving them a glimpse of what a godly relationship looks like. I think of all the awesome moms and dads who have served with us who, while raising their own children to love Jesus, have taken it on to raise "spiritual children" and graft them into the heartbeat and rhythm of your own family, all while still making sure your own family knows they are still your first priority. I think of all the late night texts and phone calls you answer, not because you HAVE to, but because you love that kid so much. Losing sleep in order to gain what is most precious - investment in the life of a student and eternal impact for the Kingdom of Jesus. 

I think of all the vacation time sacrificed so that you can come with us on a Spring Break Mission trip or summer camp. Weekends given up so you can drive a bus for us even when we didn't plan ahead and had to ask you at the last minute. I think of all the times you've "slept" (aka tossed and turned all night) while spending 24/7 with high school or middle school students for a week of camp because it was WORTH it to you, because you didn't want to miss out on being there for what God might do in their life. I think of the countless encouragement notes written, tears cried together, sports events and concerts and plays attended (whether your student was the "star" or not). I think of all the rides given -- oh goodness it's fantastic when students get to the point where they can drive themselves, can I get an amen?! I think of ALL the money you've sacrificed and spent on Starbucks, Dutch Bros, Little Caesars (the mascot of any good youth group), Jamba Juice, movie tickets, Redbox, and Taco Bell. Even when you didn't have a lot to give, you gave. And gave more. 

I think about the hardship and grief you've walked through with students. The divorces. The pregnancies. Suicide attempts. Long seasons of depression and anxiety where all the student could ask was "Why?" and , though you may not have had an answer, you were there. Cancer and other illnesses. Rejection. Broken friendships and relationships. Homosexuality. Abuse. Loneliness. Cutting. Deep conversations about hard theological questions that you may not even understand, but you go there with students; you grapple with the tough stuff rather than glossing over over it. When they trust you enough to ask the hard questions, you make them feel heard, you make them feel safe rather than stupid for having doubts or fears, and you always point them back to the God of TRUTH, even if you can't give them a cookie-cutter, easy "church" answer. 

Any of these things might make any human being want to run for their lives, but not you. Not Jesus. You have stuck with these students when lots of other people may have wanted to (or did) abandon them. Oh I have tears in my eyes just thinking about the role you've played in their life, whether or not they are even currently walking with the Lord. You've pursued them and called them and thought about them and cared about them relentlessly, even when they act like they don't care or don't want you in their life. They've needed you, even when they're hurting too much to communicate that. They will be able to look back and understand THAT MUCH MORE about the person of Jesus Christ because you modeled Him for them. You lived it. You're the real deal. 

I can't do my job without you. My husband can't do his job without you. We would be a helpless hot mess of a youth ministry without those of you who volunteer. I know any other youth pastor/ director would agree. You are champions of the faith. You are heroes of mine because I KNOW what you're giving, even though I don't even see ALL that you do. But Jesus does. And I wish I could have a front row seat or be a fly on the wall or something when we all get to Heaven and Jesus looks you in the eye and says, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." I want to stand up and cheer.


"Let us not become weary doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9 

Loaves and Fishes

The Bible story of the loaves and the fishes has been on my mind a lot since this past weekend. For anyone who is reading this and maybe is unfamiliar with the Bible or is new to the story of Jesus, here's the summarized version of the story (you can also read about it in Mark 6:30-43):

 Jesus and his disciples had been super busy helping others so they got on a boat and headed off for some rest and quiet time together. 

 The crowds of people saw them get on the boat and recognized that it was Jesus and the disciples, so they ran ahead of them to meet them on the shore of Jesus' ship's destination (um. stalkers? come on, people!) 

Instead of being irritated at the people or bitter that they wouldn't leave Him alone, Jesus "had compassion on them," and decided to spend time with them, teaching them. 

THEN it started to get dark; disciples are tired. Maybe a little mad that the people have interrupted their should-have-been-restful getaway. Their idea? Send the people away to get something to eat. That'll motivate them to leave, right? When they realize that its dinnertime and they're hungry. Honestly, I probably would have wanted to send the people away too. That's sadly my default when I'm tired and peopled-out. I'm an introvert by design. But Jesus disagreed... 

He told the disciples that THEY should give the people something to eat. Baffled of course, the disciples are all, "Do you want us to go broke trying to feed all these people? We'd have to go to Costco to buy enough food!" (Okay, there was no Costco, but we're talking mass quantities here.) 

Jesus asks them what they DO have. Answer: 5 loaves of bread. And, oh yeah, 2 fish. Awesome. Everyone can nibble on this. BUT JESUS took what the disciples had, looked up to heaven and said a blessing, and broke the bread and divided the fish to be given out among the people. 

The crowds sat down in groups, and after everything was passed around, "all ate and were satisfied." AND there were 12 baskets of broken pieces leftover. AND the story tells us that there were 5,000 MEN who were fed there that day (story doesn't even account for women and children!) WOAH. 

Jesus made MUCH out of some. He brought A LOT from a little. He turned what we would view as lack and turned it into abundance (there were leftovers!) 

This past weekend was our annual church garage sale to benefit our high school Spring Break Missions. Leading up to the sale, we kept looking at what had been donated and thinking, "I don't know if we have what we need. We have so much less stuff to sell than we have in years past." I knew in my heart, deep deep down, that Jesus KNEW what we needed to make these trips happen, and knew that He would provide like he always does. But we felt a little like we had 5 loaves and 2 fish. I didn't want to be nervous about it but sometimes I just felt nervous. 

BUT THEN JESUS, proved Himself again as He always has. With what we had to sell, God provided MORE than enough to send our students out over Spring Break, and we had SO many items leftover (which made clean-up a pretty big chore, but I'm so thankful that we had too much rather than too little!) I don't know how God uses all of those second-hand "junk" treasures to provide what we need to help our students go serve Him over Spring Break. But HE DOES AND HE DID. I'm so thankful. 

This reminder leaves me grateful and stirs in me a desire for a heightened awareness of what else in my life might seem like "lack" but presents an opportunity for God to show Himself as my perfect, abundant, faithful, provider. What about you? Where have you seen God come through and provide above and beyond what you expected? 

"Now to HIM who is able to do far more abundantly than all we ask or think, according to the power at work within us..." {Ephesians 3:20} 

PS. My score from the garage sale? A PENDLETON BLANKET. Hello! Also, a fabulous mirror. And a vase. Annnnd an iron. *Somehow, between our wedding registry and our almost 2 years of marriage, we have not owned an iron. We bought a puppy, but not an iron. Priorities? For the first 5 months of married life we must have just worn wrinkly clothes I guess, and since then we've used our parents' irons  (made possible by our unique living arrangements.) SO for any of you who've looked upon our sometimes wrinkly clothes with disdain and thought "why can't they figure this out?!" there's your explanation. We'll start ironing more, now.

for anyone who has ever had a hard day in ministry

// photo courtesy of tumblr // 

Moment of bravery here. Sometimes I have this thought. This thought that I'd like to write a book one day. So I started it. Several months ago, I sat down and just started writing. Dreaming. Thinking. Wondering what parts of my heart the Lord might want to lift to the surface, print on pages, and use in some way. This is the theoretical first chapter of my theoretical book:

Honesty

For some reason this year, more than ever, the Lord has been stirring in my heart to write down, to acknowledge, to speak out loud, a confession: 

Ministry is hard. 

Ministry. Is. Hard.

Ministry is hard for me.   

The secret’s out. The very thing that I feel called to with my life, the very thing that makes me come alive, the very thing that sparks passion and drive and purpose in me, is hard. It fatigues me. It burdens me. It stirs in me the highest highs and the lowest lows. I can’t think of much else that causes me so much pain and joy sometimes in the same day or the same hour. Within the same week, it’s not an uncommon occurrence that these conflicting thoughts can take place in my heart:

1.    “There’s NOTHING else in the whole world I’d rather do with my life. I was made for this.”

2.    “Why in the world am I doing this with my life? I’m not good at this.”

I remind myself of the person spoken of in James 1:8, “double-minded…unstable in all [her] ways.” Yikes.

Sometimes I just turn my phone off. I have to. If I can just take a break from the texts, calls, emails, and Facebook messages, sometimes I feel like I can get off the hamster wheel that I, in my folly, allow my life to become at times.

What am I afraid of, though? More burdens? The inconvenience of someone else’s troubles changing my day around? The awkwardness I feel when tragedy strikes and I need to be there to comfort someone but feel like I don’t belong in that moment and don’t know what to say? I’m afraid of saying the wrong thing. I’m afraid of saying the right thing and offending someone with truth. There’s always that chance that when I attempt to “speak the truth in love” [eph. 4:15] that I’ll botch the truth/love ratio and speak too much of one and lack the other. It’s easy to err on the side of grace with the people who’s approval I want and NEED. And it’s much too easy to err on the side of truth (sans grace) with people who I don’t really care for (that’s the needs-redemption part of me, just so we’re clear). I cringe at the thought.  

Oy. The thing about ministry that makes it both incredible and incredibly difficult is the nature of it. It involves people. And life. And peoples’ lives. The apostle Paul got it right. He knew that the stakes were high and the investment would be exponential in both its cost and its reward. How blessed the early church in Thessolonica must have been when they read his words to them in his first letter to them.

“But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us” [1 Thess. 1:7-8 ESV].wse

Ministry involves life.  The best and worst and prettiest and ugliest and easiest and hardest parts. It’s messy and fun. For me it often involves coffee {i do love my coffee}. Or food. Or ministry in the evenings more often than mornings. Or hanging out at high schools during lunch – a weekly habit we’ve decided among our staff that would be very creepy if we weren’t there as student ministry leaders. Or rounds of the game “Dump, date, marry” {kind of an awesome and awful and hilarious game if you’ve never played}.

Paul compared ministry to taking care of children. Sometimes high school ministry literally feels like taking care of children. I won’t even begin to describe how that feeling is amplified when you work with middle schoolers. I’ve been there. Middle school staff of the world: LORD BLESS YOU AND STRENGTHEN YOU. But the way that metaphor about children plays itself out is it conveys the picture of constant, never ending exertion of emotional, physical, and spiritual energy, all with the goal of helping to grow and “raise” someone else in the Lord. It also conveys affection. Deep love and compassion. Fierce commitment. An unwavering devotion to walk someone through abundant growth spurts and stunted seasons of doubt, sin, and apathy. It’s the whole package. 

It’s about sharing the Gospel first, sharing ourselves second. That distinction is crucial. Going to basketball games, lunches, and out for coffee is great. It’s easy to think that that is what “incarnational ministry” (life on life, like Jesus did), entails. But anyone can do that. Non-Christians do that and call that “mentoring.” Followers of Jesus do that and call it discipleship, rightfully so. The Gospel trumps sleepovers, game nights, and camping trips. Those events and moments help translate the heart of God through a leader, but the ability within them to produce a memory or experience will never and should never supercede the Gospel.

What about you? 

What's something you need to acknowledge? 

To be honest about?

Maybe to speak out loud? 

What burdens you? 

What drives you?

If you're considering going into "full-time" ministry, keep serving Jesus wherever He has you, continue to pray about it and let the Lord lead...remain excited and never lose that passion! But also, be aware that it's not perfect, its often less "glamorous" than it appears (in case anyone thought that) and there will be a lot of ways that you serve and obey Jesus that only HE will see. Still worth it.

If you're in ministry, be encouraged. Whether this is a season where you feeling like you're thriving OR barely hanging on. Continue running to Jesus. {I often forget that not a day goes by that I need Jesus' grace LESS. Those days that I forget my need for Him are often the days I have deceived myself into thinking I'm more awesome than I actually am}.

Praying we can all strive to be passionate but never at the cost of being brave in being honest. And being OKAY with saying, at the end of some of our hardest days, "That. Was a hard day." And at the end of the most incredible fulfilling days, being able to say, "That. Was an incredible day. To GOD be the glory!"

xoxo,

kristin