for anyone who has ever had a hard day in ministry

// photo courtesy of tumblr // 

Moment of bravery here. Sometimes I have this thought. This thought that I'd like to write a book one day. So I started it. Several months ago, I sat down and just started writing. Dreaming. Thinking. Wondering what parts of my heart the Lord might want to lift to the surface, print on pages, and use in some way. This is the theoretical first chapter of my theoretical book:

Honesty

For some reason this year, more than ever, the Lord has been stirring in my heart to write down, to acknowledge, to speak out loud, a confession: 

Ministry is hard. 

Ministry. Is. Hard.

Ministry is hard for me.   

The secret’s out. The very thing that I feel called to with my life, the very thing that makes me come alive, the very thing that sparks passion and drive and purpose in me, is hard. It fatigues me. It burdens me. It stirs in me the highest highs and the lowest lows. I can’t think of much else that causes me so much pain and joy sometimes in the same day or the same hour. Within the same week, it’s not an uncommon occurrence that these conflicting thoughts can take place in my heart:

1.    “There’s NOTHING else in the whole world I’d rather do with my life. I was made for this.”

2.    “Why in the world am I doing this with my life? I’m not good at this.”

I remind myself of the person spoken of in James 1:8, “double-minded…unstable in all [her] ways.” Yikes.

Sometimes I just turn my phone off. I have to. If I can just take a break from the texts, calls, emails, and Facebook messages, sometimes I feel like I can get off the hamster wheel that I, in my folly, allow my life to become at times.

What am I afraid of, though? More burdens? The inconvenience of someone else’s troubles changing my day around? The awkwardness I feel when tragedy strikes and I need to be there to comfort someone but feel like I don’t belong in that moment and don’t know what to say? I’m afraid of saying the wrong thing. I’m afraid of saying the right thing and offending someone with truth. There’s always that chance that when I attempt to “speak the truth in love” [eph. 4:15] that I’ll botch the truth/love ratio and speak too much of one and lack the other. It’s easy to err on the side of grace with the people who’s approval I want and NEED. And it’s much too easy to err on the side of truth (sans grace) with people who I don’t really care for (that’s the needs-redemption part of me, just so we’re clear). I cringe at the thought.  

Oy. The thing about ministry that makes it both incredible and incredibly difficult is the nature of it. It involves people. And life. And peoples’ lives. The apostle Paul got it right. He knew that the stakes were high and the investment would be exponential in both its cost and its reward. How blessed the early church in Thessolonica must have been when they read his words to them in his first letter to them.

“But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us” [1 Thess. 1:7-8 ESV].wse

Ministry involves life.  The best and worst and prettiest and ugliest and easiest and hardest parts. It’s messy and fun. For me it often involves coffee {i do love my coffee}. Or food. Or ministry in the evenings more often than mornings. Or hanging out at high schools during lunch – a weekly habit we’ve decided among our staff that would be very creepy if we weren’t there as student ministry leaders. Or rounds of the game “Dump, date, marry” {kind of an awesome and awful and hilarious game if you’ve never played}.

Paul compared ministry to taking care of children. Sometimes high school ministry literally feels like taking care of children. I won’t even begin to describe how that feeling is amplified when you work with middle schoolers. I’ve been there. Middle school staff of the world: LORD BLESS YOU AND STRENGTHEN YOU. But the way that metaphor about children plays itself out is it conveys the picture of constant, never ending exertion of emotional, physical, and spiritual energy, all with the goal of helping to grow and “raise” someone else in the Lord. It also conveys affection. Deep love and compassion. Fierce commitment. An unwavering devotion to walk someone through abundant growth spurts and stunted seasons of doubt, sin, and apathy. It’s the whole package. 

It’s about sharing the Gospel first, sharing ourselves second. That distinction is crucial. Going to basketball games, lunches, and out for coffee is great. It’s easy to think that that is what “incarnational ministry” (life on life, like Jesus did), entails. But anyone can do that. Non-Christians do that and call that “mentoring.” Followers of Jesus do that and call it discipleship, rightfully so. The Gospel trumps sleepovers, game nights, and camping trips. Those events and moments help translate the heart of God through a leader, but the ability within them to produce a memory or experience will never and should never supercede the Gospel.

What about you? 

What's something you need to acknowledge? 

To be honest about?

Maybe to speak out loud? 

What burdens you? 

What drives you?

If you're considering going into "full-time" ministry, keep serving Jesus wherever He has you, continue to pray about it and let the Lord lead...remain excited and never lose that passion! But also, be aware that it's not perfect, its often less "glamorous" than it appears (in case anyone thought that) and there will be a lot of ways that you serve and obey Jesus that only HE will see. Still worth it.

If you're in ministry, be encouraged. Whether this is a season where you feeling like you're thriving OR barely hanging on. Continue running to Jesus. {I often forget that not a day goes by that I need Jesus' grace LESS. Those days that I forget my need for Him are often the days I have deceived myself into thinking I'm more awesome than I actually am}.

Praying we can all strive to be passionate but never at the cost of being brave in being honest. And being OKAY with saying, at the end of some of our hardest days, "That. Was a hard day." And at the end of the most incredible fulfilling days, being able to say, "That. Was an incredible day. To GOD be the glory!"

xoxo,

kristin