I'm about to get pretty dang sentimental up in here. Not even sorry about it. Our ONE YEAR anniversary is today, people. How did this happen? {I know everyone says "it goes by so fast," and I never really doubted it. But SERIOUSLY. One year has passed}
Beside our wedding photos - which I still LOVE, but have yet to make a wedding album, don't wanna rush these things - what remains from May 25, 2012, is a string of memories. Mental snapshots. Personalized polaroids in my heart. I'm picturing the way Jim and Pam from The Office snap pictures with an invisible camera of moments they want to remember together. Ever since I was young, I've had a vividly photographic memory, and God has been so so good to help preserve some of the sweetest moments from my mind and heart from that incredible and overwhelming day. After dreaming about my wedding day since I was a little, little girl, I always wondered how it would feel to ACTUALLY be the bride. After that day came and went, it was hard to process the whirlwind of faces, moments, and feelings that flooded my heart. Finally, finally I'm sitting down to really, really process and document some of the most vivid portions of that day.
I remember the day before the wedding. My soon-to-be mother in law, Lori, hosted a beautiful bridesmaids luncheon. I remember that I was running late to it. My sister called to ask where I was because almost everyone was there except me. Selfishly, i thought, "Can I seriously be late to this? Like classified as LATE? I'm the bride. I think they wait for me to start." Anyway. I was stressed. Don't judge. Or do. It's in the past! They affirmed me over a delicious lunch and I felt filled to the brim with blessing. Then we all got our nails done. At one point I sent my sister to go get me coffee AND sandals - i was nervous I had lost the gold sandals I wanted to take on my honeymoon. So she took my debit card to Fred Meyer, in the pouring rain, to buy me new sandals. I loved them. This was just one instance in which I sent her to do errands for me. She was the best. I'll gladly return the favor one day for her.
I remember the night before the wedding. After the rehearsal dinner was over. I was finally home, to spend my last night with my family. Before Michael left, we sat in the living room with my parents. Feeling anxious. My mom read Scripture over us/ to us and prayed with us. An incredible special memory.
That same night, I was in my room, putting final touches on my honeymoon packing probably. Took a look in the mirror, and told my sister and mom, "I think I want to wear my hair like THIS tomorrow," showing them kind of how I wanted it. "THIS" what not the original plan. "THIS" is not what my hairdresser had practiced or what I had envisioned with my wedding dress during months prior. The plan was a loose but high top knot. Simple and elegant. Kind of ballerina-esque. Nope. Not anymore. New plan: low bun with some volume and my bangs swept to the side. Sure. Let's wing it. Thankfully when my stylist arrived at the house the next day, all I had to say to described the new "THIS" were a few words. She's kind of a mind reader. And brilliant. I loved my hair.
I remember waking up the morning of the wedding. The day was here (also, it was a BEAUTIFUL day; it had rained all week and we had been praying for great weather for pictures. Thankful). And I. Felt. Miserable. So sick. Started feeling sick during my rehearsal dinner and up until I went to sleep, planning to "sleep it off." Nice try, McFly. I think the nerves - not to get married but just for the wedding event itself, with all the excitement/emotion/people - got to me. I internalize stress, that's not uncommon for me. I had just hoped this day would be an exception. I got up to have some breakfast, but had to go lay back down soon after. My wedding morning was spent in my bed, with my sister and my dear friend Annie sitting there with me, reading magazines and thinking about non-stressful things. Finally my sister suggested that we pray, so she prayed over me and I seriously started feeling better. What a blessing. I sipped on a Starbucks triple espresso ever so slowly, trying not to upset my stomach. I think I had two coffees brought to me that day with custom happy-wedding-day notes from my baristas. So sweet. Too bad I didn't/ couldn't finish the coffees. The plan was to take it one moment at a time, so I did.
I remember eating snacks with all my bridesmaids in the kitchen of my parents' house. Jordan bit into a strawberry and there was a worm inside! GAG. She freaked. As would I. We were careful about the strawberries after that. Sometimes when I eat strawberries I still think abut that.
I remember when the time came to leave the house and head to the church. BFF Liz and I drove in my mom's car. I think my suitcases were probably in there, too. It was the MOST surreal feeling to drive from my house to the church (I drive I've made hundreds of times), but this time knowing I was driving to my WEDDING. And then would leave for my honeymoon. The other day I was driving down Kuebler Blvd and this specific memory came flooding back. Being in the car on my wedding day with Liz. I'm not sure what we talked about. I think she asked me if I was nervous and if I was still feeling sick. I was just thankful she was there.
I remember meeting my wedding coordinator at the doors of the church, ready to go get into my wedding dress and prepare for "first look" pictures with Michael. "Wait, who has my dress?" In the hustle of getting out of the house with 5 bridesmaids, a bride, and my mom, I didn't really even think about my dress. Panic. Okay nevermind, my mom had it (I think). Phew. It's safe.
I remember my first walk through of the church after it had all been decorated - so special. I think I literally gasped when I saw how beautiful both the reception room and the sanctuary looked. The details were breathtaking. STILL CAN'T BELIEVE how generous SO many people were with their time, creativity, and resources to help make my dream of transforming those spaces come to life. So incredible. I'm so thankful for everyone who gave so much to make that day look and feel so special. Makes me want to go above and beyond to help others with big and small details for their weddings in the future.
I remember almost being out of the church to go see Michael for our first look. And there was my dad. He hadn't seen me in my dress yet. Chris, my wedding coordinator, and Amy, my photographer's wife, both had a moment of "oh my word, your dad hasn't seen you. Should we make this special? Should we go get Erich to take pictures?" I assured them it was fine and had a special moment seeing my dad, on my way to seeing my almost-husband up on the hill. My dad walked with us, and as I began to walk up the hill on my way to Michael, I noticed my dad walking in almost parallel to me down in the gravel. "Dad, what are you doing?" "I want to take pictures of your first look!" "Dad, no one else is supposed to be here for this moment. Erich will take pictures." That moment makes me misty eyed when I think about it. Up until THIS particular moment in my life, my dad made it his mission to be there for significant moments; to take pictures; to share the joy. His logic this time made perfect sense. That moment, that "not this time, dad," was so symbolic of the transition that was about to take place. When he would place my hand in Michael's. And give me away. Although at the time it was mostly subconscious, it was the first time I really realized that my dad's role in my life was changing. As it was supposed to. It was good. I felt SO bad asking him to leave. It was such a genuine way for him to show that he loved me and didn't want to miss a single beat in helping me remember and cherish this day forever. He was gracious. And we have beautiful pictures of that first look. He was so understanding and respectful of my wishes, but I still love that he wanted to be there in the first place.
I remember when all my bridesmaids, my mom, my wedding coordinator, junior bridesmaids, EVERYONE had gone downstairs because the ceremony was about to begin. The only ones left were my dad and me. This was our moment. Waiting. And then, my dad went to wait on the landing of the stairs so he could let me know when it was time. Which left me alone. A few precious moments where I simply sat in a chair in the middle of the Sunday school classroom we affectionately refer to as the Triple Room. Staring at the baby blue walls. Rechecking my makeup and hair, maybe. Feeling the weight of those final moments alone. WHOA. And then he came back. And it was time.
I remember going down and waiting in the lobby. Hearing the music. Watching our friends/ our bridal party walk in and give me excited looks and reassuring smiles. I paced back and forth A LOT. It didn't help that the Sigur Ros song we chose, "Festival," was just building and building and I knew my moment was coming. I think I made Kate Kinney go get me a glass of water, and Katrina reassured me while I paced back and forth, so did my dad. I also told my dad I might poop my pants, and I think he said something like, "you probably shoudn't" or "that would be weird" or something. I was so thankful that Kate and Katrina were the ones there to open the doors for me. To be right there as I prepared to walk down the aisle.
And then. The doors opened. And my dad and I stood there at the doors about to walk through the most incredible arch of branches that my coordinator, Chris, put there simply because she thought I would like it. She knows me so well. And Festival was building. And there was a specific moment when the song just erupted in magnificence and musical brilliance that we were supposed to start walking. We had at least one "false start" I think, where we leaned forward and realized it wasn't here yet. Everyone was standing, looking at us. And then it began, the BIG PART OF THE SONG. And we walked. Down the aisle. No turning back.
...to be continued. xoxo
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