Modesto Reflections

{this is a post i MEANT to write/ post right after our Spring Break Missions trip, back in March. But we've been home for over a month now. Oops. I began it several weeks ago and just haven't been able to make myself finish it yet, not sure why.} 

I'm sitting here in my office. To my left are two boxes of stuff, random stuff, leftover from our Spring Break missions trip last week that I need to go through. To my right is my to-do list and several other things I could/ should be working on. But right here, right in front of me, I'm choosing to to the still tedious, "less productive"  task of writing about our trip. Not the most obvious on my post-trip to-do list. But I feel like I NEED to try to capture even a few thoughts about it while it's still fresh on my brain and heart. Spent a week in California with an amazing group of juniors and seniors, and an awesome group of leaders. So here it goes... a few things I came away with after our week in Modesto. 

My notion trip of how a mission trip "should" go is not worth a whole lot. The last time I was in Modesto (2 yrs ago) I got super sick and spent a large portion of the trip lying down, sleeping, or resting. I was sure this trip was to be my non-weak, redemptive version of a trip to Modesto. Only happiness, only feeling good, and only joy would be my constant companions. Little did I know that grief, loss, and confusion would join me during my time there. While I was down in Modesto, my grandma passed away somewhat unexpectedly. I knew she was sick and knew she might not be alive a whole lot longer, I wasn't prepared for my mom's phone call on day 1 of the trip, telling me that Nana might go home to be with Jesus this week. "This is not a great week to have to cope with loss," I thought selfishly. "This is a joy week, this is a 'be a strong leader' week, not a week for sadness and death."  I mourned and grappled with even the possibility of her passing away after that initial news, and then two days later (Wednesday of our trip) she went home to be with the Lord. In the days and moments that followed the shock of losing a grandmother for the first time, the Lord began to stir in me the strangest, most wonderful dichotomy of both sadness and joy. Sadness to not be with my family back home. Sadness at the idea that I won't see my Nana until I join her in Heaven. Sadness that my birthday this week would be the first birthday that she doesn't give me a card signed, "Love and Prayers, Nana" with a $5 bill and maybe a collectors edition quarter representing one of the 50 states. I cried. A lot. And my friends near me just did an incredible job at sitting there and listening. So often I feel awkward and nervous when I try to comfort people in a time of loss, I panic and wonder what to say. But my husband and my friends showed me that truly the best gift you can give someone in those raw moments is the gift of companionship and listening. They let me eat ice cream, let me cry, prayed for me, and let me be alone when I needed it. 

Jesus is ALIVE
JUST IN CASE I had forgotten, JESUS IS REAL. He is ALIVE and He is alive IN people. Oh my goodness, as I listened to students share and watched them share Jesus with total strangers and served alongside them, I was blown away at how incredible it is to see a high school student believe and grasp that following Jesus really is the best life there is. Their hearts were practically bursting with love FROM JESUS, for people. Love for students their age that they met at Modesto high school, for little children at the trailer park we went to, and for the homeless people they met... I know there's lots of stereotypes in our culture about how lazy, apathetic, and selfish high school students can be. And I've seen plenty of that, trust me. BUT, I also have the incredible privilege to know personally SO many high school students who are defying the stereotypes, living out the love of Jesus, and seeking to know Him more in ways that challenge ME! Seriously, I know some real cool kids. They're amazing. 


It is a GIFT to see fruit in ministry 
This is a concept I processed A LOT during and the trip, and one I've continued to reflect on as I've gotten back. Let me explain it this way... as leaders in high school ministry, we serve and labor all year to help our students understand the importance of following Jesus, falling in love with Jesus, reading the Bible, loving others, and being bold about sharing their faith. Don't get me wrong, I've seen LOTS of fruit in some of my own small group girls throughout the year, seeing them "get it," grabbing hold of what God has for them. It's been such a joy. 
But for some reason (if we're going with the tree/ plant analogy here) if the "all year" seed-planting work served as the "rain" in the growth process, for many of these students their time in Modesto served as the sunlight needed to spark some incredible growth in them {plus, it was literally sunny down there and I don't think that hurt anything}. We got to see them in action, sharing their faith, digging into Scripture, loving one another, and becoming increasingly passionate about Jesus as they witnessed His power! It was almost as if the Lord used that week, in part, to say to us leaders, See, your labor is not in vain. You keep being faithful. You keep loving and discipling these students, keep pointing them to Jesus. Don't confuse your part with mine. You can plant a lot of "seeds," you can water them every week in fact, but don't forget that the actual heart change part is mine. I AM using you in their lives. Be encouraged. You know how you feel watching these students come alive in me?  Revel in same JOY that I find when I see YOU loving me.