John chapter 5 opens on a scene in Jerusalem... a pool. Near what was called the Sheep Gate of the city, and the pool was called Bethesda. The characters? A wide array of what the Scripture refers to in the text as "invalids." These included the blind, the lame, and the paralyzed. {Note: at the time, these people believed that every so often at this pool, an angel of the Lord would come down and stir the waters, and whoever entered the waters first after they were stirred would be healed.}  

We zoom in and notice the man Jesus noticed; a man who had been an invalid and unable to walk for THIRTY EIGHT YEARS. Oh that's a long time. Perhaps 38 years of laying down. Having to constantly rely on others for help. 38 years that was likely accompanied by, as many chronic physical illnesses are, emotional depression and even despair at times. 

Jesus asks him the obvious in verse 6, "Do you want to me healed?" Sometimes I wonder why Jesus asked him that. I mean, if I was crippled for 38 years I think a desire for healing would go without saying. But I actually love that Jesus asked him this. The man's answer was not a simple "YES," however. When asked if he wanted to be healed he went on to explain and describe all the reasons he hadn't been healed before...

1) He had no one to put him into the pool when the water was stirred up; and 

2) Every time he was about to get into the waters, someone went in before him. 

I can understand his frustration. His opportunities for healing, according to his understanding, came and went each time someone else - someone quicker, more able-bodied, perhaps someone with more people willing to help them - beat him to the pool. He was helpless. Or so he thought. 

Jesus' reply? "Get up, take up your bed, and walk" {verse 8}. 

"And AT ONCE the man was healed, and he took up his bed and walked" {verse 9}. 

Tomorrow we leave for our annual high school camp. Can't believe that week is here AGAIN. Feels like the year in between last summer's camp and tomorrow just flew by. We're going to load up four buses tomorrow with a bunch of high schoolers, and take them to the middle of nowhere for six days, KNOWING we're gonna have a ton of fun, and KNOWING we serve a God who loves them each and is so hoping to capture, re-capture, or sustain their attention on him. There will be many who are spiritual "invalids," in a sense. Those who don't yet know Jesus as their personal Savior; those who claim to walk with Christ but whose lives, according to the evidence, aren't being lived for Jesus; and others who want to know and follow God, but who have been so deeply wounded in their lives that their own hurt is the biggest obstacle to understanding the HOPE they have in a loving Savior.

The blind. 

The ones whose eyes have been blinded by the enemy thus far (2 Corinthians 4:4), but who are about to become gloriously wide-eyed as the grace of Jesus becomes real in their lives!

The lame. 

Those who have allowed their passion, resolve, and obedience in daily decisions to be debilitated by the seemingly more alluring influences and pressures of the world we live in. 

The paralyzed

Those who are so deeply wounded by others, by themselves, by evil, that every relationship/ emotion in their life is clouded and stunted by the hurts that they carry. The hurts they're trying to heal in so many ways. 

Like the man who had been an invalid for 38 years, the invalid life is all that some of our students know. Maybe they've even gotten comfortable being dissatisfied, unloved, disobedient. 

Some students have sought "healing," and wholeness in their lives in so many different ways. Popularity, success, recognition, drugs, alcohol, self-afflicted wounds, relationships, sex, TV, their iPhone, social media, etc. Some have become so desperate and feel so utterly hopeless that the best, most permanent idea they can think of is just to end it all. Figuratively, they could travel from "pool" to "pool," hoping to dip into what they think will solve the emptiness and the hurt once and for all. 

Only to come to camp this week, where I believe Jesus is going to ask the obvious of many students: 

"Do you WANT to be healed?" 

Do you want to be made whole? 

Do you want to live a life of meaning? 

Are you ready for your life to be different? 

True life change won't just happen by accident. Jesus wants our YES; and with that, He can and will, as I've seen many times, truly, deeply overhaul us from the inside out in the most beautiful way. 

Some will answer with excuses... things in they are unwilling to change; sins or habits they don't want to surrender; perhaps they're convinced Jesus doesn't understand that they have MORE hurt than He could ever possibly understand or truly heal; or it's not their fault that they're making bad choices... it's their past, their family, their school, their friends, etc {p.s. In no way am I trying to undermine the influence that broken homes, abuse, damaged relationships, etc have on the life of a student. BUT I have seen some adopt a "victim-of-life" mindset that ultimately only cripples them more; and have seen others claim the VICTORY only Jesus gives and live not as a victim to their past but a victor in spite of it}.

And to all those students who come ready, who come broken, who come crippled... Jesus will say, "IT'S ME. I'm your healer. Don't worry that you can't get into the pool. I AM." And then, by steps of faith, those students will be called to get up. To rise up. To go public with their decision. To be brave. To make the conscious choice to make conscious choices every day to turn to Jesus for their salvation, healing, fulfillment, wholeness, newness.  And to walk. To take action, perhaps physical action. To live in light of being now healed, restored, saved, set apart. OH GLORY! 

One final thing I find interesting in the story is that later, in verse 14, Jesus goes and finds this newly healed man in the temple. Jesus said to him, "See, you are well! Sin no more, that nothing worse may happen to you." Jesus didn't JUST meet this man's need for physical healing. Jesus always went for the heart. Knowing that this man's new ability to walk was not the only thing he needed. Jesus knew that the man would once again become an "invalid," spiritually crippled, ill, unwell, debilitated, if he continued to live in sin. Jesus' heart for us is not JUST physical freedom (though He IS a God of healing, I truly believe that) but spiritual, emotional freedom as we walk in His light, His will, and according to His ways for our lives. 

Praying this coming week that some students realize, maybe for the first time, that they are spiritually crippled, but don't have to stay that way. Praying students' eyes are opened. Praying some of them gain such an incredible passion for the Lord that, upon Jesus' offer to take over their lives, they can't help but GET UP. And WALK. And KEEP WALKING. With Him. For a lifetime. 

Oh Come, Lord Jesus. Go before us and with us tomorrow and this next week. Amen. 

The Abundance of NOW

The now. The right here. My today. The present. This place, spot, season I'm trying to live in. Not the past, not the future, not the "what if," but the NOW. For everything that it is and perhaps even everything that its not. A combination of influences have set in motion a desire to look for the abundance in my life... the good ... the rich ... the deeply beautiful, blessed things that are true gifts when I'm willing to see them. Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts, combined with some dreams and desires the Lord has stirred up in me, combined with the incredible beauty of this sun-stretch of weather we've had lately, have been instruments used in awakening a piece of my soul that is tuned in to the abundance. The abundance of the now. 

From early in the morning, on the days I choose to get out of bed before the hubs and the doggy... and I go downstairs and pull back all the curtains. And the light pours in. Floods. Glows. As if it had been waiting ... like a child asking for permission and finally being told, "YES. Yes." Light. Air. Day. I'm up! Then the dance of the sprinklers. I have a weird obsession with sprinklers - the sights, the sounds, the knowing that it's making my lawn green. Something is getting done. Something is being fed, given life. Even the lawn needs to be "nourished." Me too. Eating breakfast at the table alone and sipping on iced coffee while the house is still quiet doesn't feel lonely; it's a luxury. Like I'm stealing time before a busy day to just be. To fill. To eat. Something I often "forget," or don't prioritize on my busier days // truly a terrible habit. I'm trying to daily remind my body that it NEEDS nourishment. Spiritually, from God's Word. And physically, from food. Eating whole, good foods. Less sugar, less refined carbs. More fruit, more vegetables, more water with lemon + mint. Making lunch happen. Eating dinner when it's time. Eating a good breakfast. Going on walks... long walks. Time to breathe, time for Michael and I to connect and catch up. The daily. The soul-care. 

But what about the places where the abundance is harder to "see"? Our weekly, sometimes daily conversations about our financial goals... the slow pace... the "doing it right," the Dave Ramsey Way. The getting out of debt (oh I can hardly wait!). The discipline. The choosing. The knowing and remembering and believing that God has blessed us; provided EVERYTHING we need and more; and we are in a wonderful spot in our marriage as we decide NOW to make wise choices with our finances that we know will affect our future. I wish we could get new cars, or buy a house, etc etc. But that's now our NOW right now. We are not "rich," of course... and yet we are. We have an abundance. A good, full, fun, incredible life and we can recognize God's gifts and provision at every turn. The walks we take with our dog in the mornings or evenings, both free of cost and priceless in value ... in a neighborhood we love; with charm and trees and the park and the just-right-length of walking loop that makes us sweat just a little but not too much - that's our abundance. Our daily gift, should we choose to unwrap and receive it. Not knowing how our living situation will pan out over the next few months can tend to creep in and threaten to dampen the gratitude; steal the sense of abundance; or thwart the sense of joy that comes from living right here right now. But only if I choose to let it. I can re-trace my steps and God's hand of provision throughout my ENTIRE life; seeing and remembering that He has always provided me with a home... somewhere to make a home. I trust Him. I trust Him. I do. 

But the biggest surplus, the biggest abundance, the most endless blessing. The knowing and loving Jesus. Lately the old old hymn has just been flooding through my mind and heart, cyclically, repeatedly. Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus. Just to take Him at His Word. Just to rest upon His promise. Just to know, 'Thus saith the Lord.' Oh it's so sweet. To walk to Jesus. To have walked with Jesus since I was a little girl. I love Him. I have resolved to follow Him for the rest of my life. The sweetness that comes from choosing to recognize His faithfulness to me, to me, for the past 25 years nearly brings tears to my eyes. That He sees me; dreamt dreams for me to walk in before I was even capable of imagining an idea; cherishes and prizes me not because I'm worthy but because I'm HIS. His goodness. His protection. His calling on my life. His blessing. His leading. His faithfulness. His power to transform. I can barely stand to think about how much more deeply I might love and know Him when I'm 50... 60...70...80. To know and walk with Jesus for a life time. Oh the abundant life. It's real. I choose that one.