{source}

Nope. This is not how my mornings look. In case you were wondering. 

This is how my mornings look... in my head....when I go to sleep at night and set my alarm for the next day and purposefully plan out all the ambitious things I'm going to do between the moment my head pops off the pillow and the time I head to work. 

Maybe when you saw the title of this post, you rolled your eyes and thought 'Great, another morning person who's going to write about how much they LOVE waking up while it's still dark and do all their best thinking while the world is still asleep.' 

No no, honey. That's not me. Not yet. Maybe one day I'll be able to attest to the beauty of the pre-sunrise life; but today is not that day. Annnnd neither was yesterday. Or, let's see, the day before that. You get it. (Actually, I've started having to/learning to get up extra early on Sunday mornings before church - as I did yesterday - and I must tell you I'm enjoying and appreciating it a little). 

I'm officially: a morning person in training. 

What does this mean? 

It means the morning person in me is still wearing training wheels and pull-ups, drinking my coffee out of a sippy cup {not really} while trying to figure this whole thing out. 

Man. I really have good intentions. Clearly not good enough to achieve my goals of morning greatness and glory. 

A couple weeks ago I started setting my alarm for 7:00 or a little before (I usually don't have to be at the office til 9 or 10)...and then my sleepiness + desire to stay in bed and snuggle with my husband and my puppy kept winning out over my desire to be disciplined and intentional with my morning hours. I'd finally roll out of bed around 7:45...8...8:10...8:20...ahem...8:45. Dangit. 

So...why bother with the mornings? A couple reasons come to mind. 

1. For as long as I can remember when I was growing up, EVERY morning my parents would get up early, whether we were at home or on vacation, and they would spend their "quiet time" with the Lord; poring over Scripture while it was still dark, often times. My mom always plants herself in the living room with her books, journal, and coffee. My dad always spends his cozy, still hour with Jesus in his study/office at home. Sometimes they would share in a prayer time together, which was always equally sweet to observe from where I was eating breakfast or rushing through my morning routing. I'm sure my sister and I interrupted their solitude many times, but they never seemed to mind. Their time with the Lord is not something they are just trying to "check off a list," but rather a necessity. Something they began to do out of need and created into a habit. And to this day, my parents are two of the most devoted, wise, disciplined, servant-hearted, incredible followers of Jesus. I HAVE to believe that their pursuit of Him each day {before everything else begins} has played an undeniable role in developing the depth of their relationships with Jesus - in their individual lives AND in their marriage.

2. God addresses the importance and value of MORNINGS on multiple occasions throughout the Bible. I don't want to ignore that. 

"Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, 

for in you I trust. 

Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul." 

| psalm 143:8 esv|

"O Lord, in the morning you hear my voice;

in the morning I prepare a sacrifice for you and watch."

| psalm 5:3 esv| 

"And rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, {Jesus} departed and went out to a desolate place, and there he prayed."

| Mark 1:35 esv |

Is the morning the ONLY time I can spend time with Jesus? Of course not. But I get too sleepy at bedtime, usually, and I find myself having a hard time slowing down once the day is started. For as long as I've felt convicted by the Lord to intentionally create time to spend with Him in the mornings, I'm embarrassed at how long I've been dragging my feet to actually do something about it {mainly out of laziness}. Oh I'm thankful that the Lord is patient with me. It's still a process. Sometimes I wake up and CHERISH the morning - even the simple things like eating a good breakfast and having coffee before I leave the house. And other days, I seriously just don't want to get out of bed. Some mornings I really do need rest, but MOST mornings I'm simply acting out of an apathetic heart and lazy spirit. 

Maybe you can relate. Like I said, morning person in training here. But I WANT to seek & find Jesus in those quiet, still moments. Sometimes I don't like the silence. I'm not used to it. But I want to want to crave the stillness. I want to be more like Jesus. I want to learn to pray early in the morning. To align myself and my heart with HIS before I even attempt another thought, action, to-do list, relationship, or goal during the day. I have learned {too often, the hard way} that if I don't intentionally take time to FILL my soul with Jesus, I serve, lead, and love out of whatever I can muster up. My spiritual/emotional/relational tank ends up empty before lunch time, usually, if I foolishly take that approach. 

I want to LEARN the art of morning stillness. I want to be disciplined. To live on purpose. 

But as I'm learning, I'm so thankful for a God who is able, at all times, to both listen to me and speak to me, to allow me the PRIVILEGE of seeking Him and finding Him in freedom. 

xoxo,

kristin 

Favorite Things {Beauty Products}

1. MOX Botanicals Lip Butter {here}
//A lovely sample of this lip butter came in my Birchbox a few month ago, and I LOVE it. Smells super yummy and feels amahhhzing on my lips. Bonus: it's manufactured in Oregon!

2. Maybelline BB Cream {here}
// I use this as my foundation everyday. I really think it's contributed to the overall health of my skin. It's lightweight, healthy, and blends in easily. Plus, it's super cheap! 

3. MAC Ruby Woo Lipstick {here} 
//My all-time favorite red. The matte finish makes this stuff stay on like no other. Paired with a MAC Lip Pencil in "Cherry," it's THE winner. It's a little pricey, but you'll seriously never want to wear another red lipstick again. I don't. 

4. Kiehl's Creme de Corps {here}
// Decided to try this, I've heard so many good things about Kiehl's products. Major luxury for my skin. So far I love it. 

5. Benefit Creaseless Eyeshadow/Liner in "r.s.v.p" {here} 
// This is like a little pot of gold. It's a splurge, for sure, but I love the light color and use it alone or as a base for my eyeshadow every day. I bought it in June and I still have SO much of it left. Major love. 

6. L'Oreal Elnett Satin Hairspray {here} 
// My go-to styling product. Incredibly lightweight with just the right amount of hold for my hair. 

7. Trader Joe's Vitamin E Oil {here} 
// This became part of my "pre-wedding clear skin" regimen, and I still use it. After washing my face (only once a day), I lather on a dime-sized amount of this oil. Gives my skin the nutrients it needs, keeps it well moisturized, and doesn't clog my pores with chemicals found in many moisturizers.

8. Kevin Murphy Angel Wash & Angel Rinse {shampoo/conditioner) {here}
//MAJOR SPLURGE. But so worth it. My wonderful hair dresser/colorist got me hooked on this. The formula is incredibly concentrated, so you don't have to use so much each time you wash/condition, and it doesn't have sulfates & other additives that can tend to strip color from your hair. (Plus, you will WANT to make it last because of the price tag...this is NOT the shampoo you want to have to buy monthly...rather, every 3-4 months.) It's definitely something to plan/save up for because it IS spendy, but I'm not sure anything else has ever made my hair feels so healthy {and my hubby LOVED how soft my hair was; so that makes it worth it, right?} 

9. Neutrogena Original Formula Transparent Facial Bar {here}
// My daily face wash. Also part of the "pre-wedding" plan that I'm now hooked on. It makes my face feel tight when I wash it, but that Vitamin E Oil fixes that right away. Helps my combination skin stay balanced. And it's only like $2-$3! Yes please! [AND, I heard a rumor that this is the skincare plan Jennifer Aniston uses. Just saying.] 

10. Hot Tools Gold Tapered Curling Iron {here}
// My curling iron just broke out of the blue this week, so I decided to try THIS one. You could also call it a curling "wand." Amaze-fest. It can heat up to 450 degrees, and makes beautiful curls. I'm hooked. Hot Tools products are always super fab. 

11. Neutrogena MicroMist Airbrush Tan {here}
// The winter whiteness of my skin literally makes me sad sometimes. That's vain, I know. But there ya go. This "tan-in-a-can" provides a temporary reprieve for my paleness. It's easy to use and has several options to choose from depending on how dark you want to go. 



There's my list of what I've been loving lately! You can see that there are definitely some things I do enjoy splurging on, and other things that I really love buying from the drugstore! 

What about you? Are any of these favorites some of YOUR favorites, too? What would you add to the list? 

Happy weekend!

xoxo,

kristin 

for anyone who has ever had a hard day in ministry

// photo courtesy of tumblr // 

Moment of bravery here. Sometimes I have this thought. This thought that I'd like to write a book one day. So I started it. Several months ago, I sat down and just started writing. Dreaming. Thinking. Wondering what parts of my heart the Lord might want to lift to the surface, print on pages, and use in some way. This is the theoretical first chapter of my theoretical book:

Honesty

For some reason this year, more than ever, the Lord has been stirring in my heart to write down, to acknowledge, to speak out loud, a confession: 

Ministry is hard. 

Ministry. Is. Hard.

Ministry is hard for me.   

The secret’s out. The very thing that I feel called to with my life, the very thing that makes me come alive, the very thing that sparks passion and drive and purpose in me, is hard. It fatigues me. It burdens me. It stirs in me the highest highs and the lowest lows. I can’t think of much else that causes me so much pain and joy sometimes in the same day or the same hour. Within the same week, it’s not an uncommon occurrence that these conflicting thoughts can take place in my heart:

1.    “There’s NOTHING else in the whole world I’d rather do with my life. I was made for this.”

2.    “Why in the world am I doing this with my life? I’m not good at this.”

I remind myself of the person spoken of in James 1:8, “double-minded…unstable in all [her] ways.” Yikes.

Sometimes I just turn my phone off. I have to. If I can just take a break from the texts, calls, emails, and Facebook messages, sometimes I feel like I can get off the hamster wheel that I, in my folly, allow my life to become at times.

What am I afraid of, though? More burdens? The inconvenience of someone else’s troubles changing my day around? The awkwardness I feel when tragedy strikes and I need to be there to comfort someone but feel like I don’t belong in that moment and don’t know what to say? I’m afraid of saying the wrong thing. I’m afraid of saying the right thing and offending someone with truth. There’s always that chance that when I attempt to “speak the truth in love” [eph. 4:15] that I’ll botch the truth/love ratio and speak too much of one and lack the other. It’s easy to err on the side of grace with the people who’s approval I want and NEED. And it’s much too easy to err on the side of truth (sans grace) with people who I don’t really care for (that’s the needs-redemption part of me, just so we’re clear). I cringe at the thought.  

Oy. The thing about ministry that makes it both incredible and incredibly difficult is the nature of it. It involves people. And life. And peoples’ lives. The apostle Paul got it right. He knew that the stakes were high and the investment would be exponential in both its cost and its reward. How blessed the early church in Thessolonica must have been when they read his words to them in his first letter to them.

“But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us” [1 Thess. 1:7-8 ESV].wse

Ministry involves life.  The best and worst and prettiest and ugliest and easiest and hardest parts. It’s messy and fun. For me it often involves coffee {i do love my coffee}. Or food. Or ministry in the evenings more often than mornings. Or hanging out at high schools during lunch – a weekly habit we’ve decided among our staff that would be very creepy if we weren’t there as student ministry leaders. Or rounds of the game “Dump, date, marry” {kind of an awesome and awful and hilarious game if you’ve never played}.

Paul compared ministry to taking care of children. Sometimes high school ministry literally feels like taking care of children. I won’t even begin to describe how that feeling is amplified when you work with middle schoolers. I’ve been there. Middle school staff of the world: LORD BLESS YOU AND STRENGTHEN YOU. But the way that metaphor about children plays itself out is it conveys the picture of constant, never ending exertion of emotional, physical, and spiritual energy, all with the goal of helping to grow and “raise” someone else in the Lord. It also conveys affection. Deep love and compassion. Fierce commitment. An unwavering devotion to walk someone through abundant growth spurts and stunted seasons of doubt, sin, and apathy. It’s the whole package. 

It’s about sharing the Gospel first, sharing ourselves second. That distinction is crucial. Going to basketball games, lunches, and out for coffee is great. It’s easy to think that that is what “incarnational ministry” (life on life, like Jesus did), entails. But anyone can do that. Non-Christians do that and call that “mentoring.” Followers of Jesus do that and call it discipleship, rightfully so. The Gospel trumps sleepovers, game nights, and camping trips. Those events and moments help translate the heart of God through a leader, but the ability within them to produce a memory or experience will never and should never supercede the Gospel.

What about you? 

What's something you need to acknowledge? 

To be honest about?

Maybe to speak out loud? 

What burdens you? 

What drives you?

If you're considering going into "full-time" ministry, keep serving Jesus wherever He has you, continue to pray about it and let the Lord lead...remain excited and never lose that passion! But also, be aware that it's not perfect, its often less "glamorous" than it appears (in case anyone thought that) and there will be a lot of ways that you serve and obey Jesus that only HE will see. Still worth it.

If you're in ministry, be encouraged. Whether this is a season where you feeling like you're thriving OR barely hanging on. Continue running to Jesus. {I often forget that not a day goes by that I need Jesus' grace LESS. Those days that I forget my need for Him are often the days I have deceived myself into thinking I'm more awesome than I actually am}.

Praying we can all strive to be passionate but never at the cost of being brave in being honest. And being OKAY with saying, at the end of some of our hardest days, "That. Was a hard day." And at the end of the most incredible fulfilling days, being able to say, "That. Was an incredible day. To GOD be the glory!"

xoxo,

kristin

new year. new blog.

|| Here we go || 
Blog world. Round 2. I always wondered what it would be like to make a "new blog" {i used to blog lots a few years back.} A couple of months ago, I went to login to the old blog and.... it no longer exists. {what the what?!} Cyber space deleted  ate my blog! Maybe it just knew that when I became a Mrs just 7 months ago, "kristinzanon.blogspot.com" simply wouldn't do anymore. I'm not gonna lie. It's a little melancholy. ALL of my former posts/pictures/odes to my best friends on their birthdays are simply...gone. Wah wah. 

So this is the new year! My sister kind of inspired me when she started her very own darling blog this year for the first time ever! 

Confession #1: I resisted re-entering the blog world for a LONG time. Partially due to the fact that - between getting engaged, getting married, getting mono, moving 3 times, enjoying a full/busy year a ministry with my new hubby, travelling to Israel, and {oh yeah} resting a little - I couldn't quite find the time to document it all, especially in 2012. Not only that, but I didn't quite feel like I could...{how do I say it?} keep up? Anyone know what I mean? The blog world has become increasingly...bloggy. Well. Awesome. Trendy. Amazefest. Beautiful. Inspiring. DIY and OOTD and all the other acronyms started pokin' at the perfectionist in me, not in a good way. Sometimes rather than feeling inspired, motivated, or amazed, the ugly parts of this heart felt competitive, jealous, insecure, covetous, and discouraged. Oo. Hate admitting that. {but between Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, Facebook, and other blogs, there's at least a 1% chance ONE other person has maybe felt that way ONE time. Maybe? Hard to say, really.} 

Confession #2: I can get really vain. materialistic. self-absorbed. obsessive-compulsive. really really quick. 

But i knew I needed to be doing something. I need to write. It's part of how I'm wired; I really deeply truly believe that, for ME, part of staying healthy, sane, and energized in my life is doing something the Lord made me for. I need to write, process, and document life. EVEN IF no one reads it. EVEN if it's just part of my walk with Jesus. But i do want to let others in on it. 

Confession #3: This is an attempt at not attempting perfection. This is an attempt to be honest. This is not a fashion blog {the Lord knows that I don't have the energy to look that fab every day; though I will for sure write about fashion at times}. This is not a food blog {the Lord also knows that cereal and yogurt are not picture/post worthy. Maybe someday when I actually cook "for real" enough days of the week, my meals will earn themselves a little place on here}. This is not an exercise blog {we're not even going to talk about that. Let's just say I was in AWESOME shape for my wedding in May, and I'll never have more pictures taken than I did on that day soooo let's just go with that}. However, I SO respect people with blogs like that! I just have to be okay with mine not being that "cool," at least not yet :] 

I just know that I want to encourage others, to be real, and to allow whoever comes across this to "breathe easy," for you to feel like you're having a conversation with a dear friend. 

I'll write more soon. But whatever pictures, adventures, thoughts, prayers I may post here... I want SO fiercely to always find and cherish ...

|| the heart of it ||. 

xoxo,

kristin